The Quiet Life of Violet

I've moved!

2009-06-16T02:35:00.001-07:00

After many a-nights toying with and cursing at Blogger, I've decided to move my Quiet Life on over to Typepad!

The Quiet Life of Violet

Please join me!

A List and Some News

2009-06-12T12:23:00.000-07:00

Things to do:

Swing by Target and pick up the goods on my list (CHECK)
Pick up envelopes for and address all (and there's a lot) of my Graduation announcements and Moving announcements. (A.A. in Fine Arts for the win!) (CHECK)
Take pictures of my first batch of soap! It smells divine. Seriously.
Get ready for and go to (be on time!) my friend Meagan's wedding tonight!
Call Lori (CHECK)

I just love list making. I think I may be addicted.

Oh, and I'm moving... to Typepad! The link will be up in few days! So excited!

A Quick Hello!

2009-06-10T13:44:00.001-07:00

[Me and my Mommy at my brother's post-graduation lunch.]

My little brother graduated last Saturday. I can't believe he's so old... this is the little boy who used to spit on me and run away, who used to kick the air like he was Power Ranger (Red Ranger!), who used to love Barney (hey, Barney is cool). And this brother of mine is going to be a legal adult next week. Holy crap.

I'm on my way out the door to pick up my graduation announcements (community college for the win!) and our moving announcements, meet my sissy for lunch, pick up envelopes for said announcements, have my hair done by Miss Nic and get ready for my first ever Bachelorette party. Yea. I'm a wee bit busy.. and I need a nap! Sleep must wait, though.

Oh! I get to un-mold my soap today.. pictures to follow. :D

<3 Violet

For Some Reason....

2009-06-08T00:03:00.001-07:00

... Blogger has decided to break all of my picture links? Hmmm.. I'm gunna write those bad boys a letter.

Sunday

2009-06-06T23:49:00.000-07:00

Little kisses.

Today Dustin, Nic and I are going to the flea market! After that, I'm going to The Nova and I'm going to make my first batch of soap. Eeeep!

Have a happy Sunday.

Sortin' is My Middle Name.

2009-06-02T00:04:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting here at the dinner table, going through a truck load of pictures. Should I make a sandwich? Mmmm... sandwich. :} Oh gosh! A Quizno's commercial just came on -- that must be a message from the sandwich Gods!

Today was a lazy day. I slept 'till noon, farted around on Facebook, met up with an electrician at our house (Oh. I need to tell you about that one), went to the movies with Nic and her friend Ashley (Drag Me To Hell was laaaaaame), had a mahi-mahi taco at Rubios, hung out with Bubby (Dustin) and Nic and went to B&N (Barnes & Noble) 'till closing. Good day, good day.

So, about the electrician... the house that we're renting is an old house, built in the 1940s. (A little background: Dustin, the love of my life, is a tech-nerd. Anything with wires or cords or HDMI cables beats his little drum. He likes to play Xbox and PSP and fiddle around with the sound quality upload settings on my Zune, too. Cute little boy he is.) Dustin somehow figured out that the wiring in the house wasn't grounded... which basically means that if anything that is plugged into the wall gets a power surge, it'll get fried. So let's say that I'm cooking on the stove, which is gas powered with an electric starter, and the power surges... I'll might get my face blown off. That would probably be bad, especially since I really like my little face.

Anyways, Dustin has been stressing for the past five days. Serious stressing out. Stressing so much that it was stressing me out, too. He was thinking that the owner of the house, who lives in L.A., wouldn't pony up and fix the problem, even though it was a fire hazard. Dustin wouldn't allow his family (the boys and I) to live in place where wouldn't be able to live safely and we would have to start looking for a new place to rent.

Well... we found out today that they're going to fix it! Eeep! We get to keep the house and I get to keep my face! :}

We plan on being moved in by the end of the weekend. SO good!

Update: That sandwich was gooood. ;}

Sneaky Peak!

2009-06-01T01:49:00.000-07:00

Whew.

Two days, six hours of soaping each, plus an hours drive each way. I'm beat. But I couldn't leave you without a sneak peak, now could I?

[Adding colorant to the raw soap]

[Lemongrass Loofah bars -- freshly cut]

[Lori's swirled soap in the mold]

And now, I sleep.

I Guess They Were on Sale?

2009-05-27T00:49:00.001-07:00

My chin has decided to host a few pimples. No, you don't get to see! I think my skin freaks out a little every time the seasons change. Do any of you have the same problem?

Dustin and I (as well as Nic & Dustin's Dad, with guest appearance by Dustin's Mom, both my parents, my little brother and Nic's Mom and Step Dad) spent all weekend at the new place, fixing things and installing things and building little hunks of IKEA made love. I built this bad boy with a little help from Dustin's muscles. I love his muscles. *swoon*

In order for us to move in completely, we need to reinforce the back fence so the boys (Widget and Fonzie, both dogs) don't ravage the planks trying to get to the obnoxious dog that the people behind us own. This is gunna be a doozie, folks!

We've been going through the boxes of stuff that were sitting in storage and I'm finding that it's really easy to get rid of things, especially now that I've kind of found my style and I know what I love and what I'm attracted to. Garage sale, here we come.

During the week, I've been doing odd jobs for Lori at The Nova, and I'm really excited for the future classes that I'm going to take. This weekend I'll be learning all about how to make soap from scratch (oil/fats and lye) at the two day Soap Boot Camp and I'm super stoked.

I'm finally starting to do and learn about the things that I've always dreamed of and it really is a fantastic feeling. It feels like my life is finally starting... like I've been standing in this doorway for so long and now I've just taken my first few steps into the room. :}

Life is good.

Fonzie loves you. Be happy.

Many A Concerts!

2009-05-22T00:30:00.001-07:00

Two concerts since last Saturday! Nic, Bubby (Dustin) and I took BART out to the city on Saturday to see a lovely band called Margot and the Nuclear So & Sos. That poor lead singer - his voice was raw beyond belief. I wanted to hold his hand and make him a hot cup of tea with honey and pat his throat. But I'm afraid that Dustin would have probably frowned upon me doing that. ;}

[They had made this very neat "drum coat rack" type of thing, with a suitcase, wooden block and a giant plastic water jug. They all had little microphones hooked up to them, so the sounds were crazy clear.]

[Four of the So & Sos eight members]

[Nic and I, on BART, after scrambling to catch the last train back home. Did you know that, if an escalator stops working, Dustin can run me and then my wheelchair down 2 and half flights of stairs in under two minutes? Me neither.]

Tuesday, Dustin and I drove out to the Fillmore to see one of our favorite bands, The Kills.

[The view from the Treasure Island tunnel]

[The Bay Bridge]

[The Golden Gate Bridge in the distance.]

[The city at Twilight]

I wasn't able to get ANY (damn it!) pictures because for some reason, the Fillmore has this rule about no cameras. Let me tell you, Alison Mosshart is fricken' amazing. VV (her stage name) has this whole Druggie-Chic & I don't give a crap if you like it vibe. She (who is one half of the band, along with Jamie Hince) was spot on with the album, if not better. I want to pick her up, poke her sunken cheeks a little and put then put her in my pocket. I promise I'll feed and water you, Miss Mosshart! I got a tee shirt (that I happen to be wearing at the moment) and a pack of pins. Eeepp! I love goodies.

Oh, and...

I've got bangs!

I really, *really* love them (even thought my 20 year-old Brother-in-Law, who happened to be the first person to see them, told me that I looked like a man). I look at my self sometimes in the mirror, thinking about his comment and call myself Ringo.

Tee Hee!

Oh, and...

2009-05-16T12:26:00.001-07:00

We're seeing Margot & the Nuclear So & Sos tonight!

Eeeeeeepp!

A New Begining.

2009-05-16T12:15:00.000-07:00

We're moving out! After being (so graciously) cared for at my Mother In Laws since my surgery in August, we are finally ready and able to move back out. We will be alone. ALONE! Eeeppp!

Dustin and his Dad are at our little cottage as I type, where they're doing manly things and dog proofing the yard. /man flex

Things are really looking up... and it scares me. Please, pretty please, allow me to have good things and not worry about them being taken away! Please keep me healthy and let me enjoy the many wonderful opportunities, people and future dreams that you've put in front of me!

Will you cross your fingers for me?

Soap Crafting Boot Camp!

2009-05-13T01:25:00.000-07:00

EEEEEPPPPP!!

I'm taking the two day Soap Making Boot Camp at the end of the month!

Signed up and everything!

Be prepared world, be prepared. You all are going to get soapy!

*squeals like a school girl*

Oh, and...

2009-05-11T23:26:00.000-07:00

... I've discovered Thai food! Holy crap-a-monga. Why didn't anyone tell me that it was so good? I've had Pad Thai, Yellow Curry and Pad See Ew. I crave it! I can't wait until I go back to Point Richmond this Wednesday to help with the City Stroll (a sort of open house thing for the business in the city's downtown)... you better believe that I'm going to get myself some Thai!

Speaking of food (which, in my mind, led me to food preparation tools), I've just realized that I have a knife in my banner. I mean, I knew it was there -- I put it there, but I didn't realize how knifey it looks. Maybe it's time for a new banner?

Hope you all have a nice Tuesday!

xoxo
Violet

What I've Been Doing

2009-05-11T14:24:00.001-07:00

This is what I've been doing for the past two weeks! I took individual photos of EACH of these little soap samples, formatted each one, color checked, added what the soap was colored with, how much colorant was used and where to find said colorant. PLUS, groupings of type of colorant (Dyes, Pigments, Micas and natural herbs and spices) and groupings by actual color.

It was hard fricken' work, too! I'm not used to having to be so color specific when it comes to photography. I usually take a picture and then tweak the colors so that they're a little different than they are in real life. These photo samples had to be the SAME color that they appeared to be in real life! I also helped Lori make a kick butt Power Point presentation for the Soap Conference she's teaching at this week and wrote out a list of each color, what type of colorant was used and what color category it belongs in.

[Some over-exposed (my fault) bars of soaps. Freaking amazing, right?]

Whew! I put 48 (non-consecutive) hours into this project and now that it's done, I'm bored. Who'd have thought?

[I couldn't resist taking a picture in the full length mirrors at the Nova!]

Let's see, I'm really hoping that I can take the Soap Making Bootcamp that's happening at the end of the month. I've ALWAYS wanted to this kind of thing... make lip balm and salves and soap and lotion. This is one of my biggest dream. I feel like fate's gears are starting to turn and it's going to happen. How exciting is it to be at the beginning of such an awesome path? Eeep!

[Widgey (back) and Fonzie]

The boys have taken to sniffing the Spring breeze. All the time. And I love it. The last few days have been warm (about 75*?) and breezy and lovely. I picked up a small basket of cherries from a home grown stand today. Super good! I can't wait until the yellow-ish (champagne something) ones are ready... two weeks and they'll be in my belly.

Hope that everyone had a nice mother's day. :}

Love and wrinkled, snorting puppies,

Miss Vi.

These Boys...

2009-05-02T22:24:00.000-07:00

... are cute.

Bubby and I are heading out to Santa Cruz in the morning for a day and night in our favorite little hideaway. I plan on doing a little shopping, a little reading and a whole lot of laying around! Eeeep! I can't wait.

I'm off to work on the color match soap samples for Lori. Wish me luck!

Xo, Q.V.

A Santa Cruz Sunday

2009-05-02T00:01:00.001-07:00

Bubby and I went to Santa Cruz this past Sunday.

We:

- had bean soup

- visited Paper Visions

- picked up few glass bird beads at Bead It

- had dinner at I Love Sushi

- sat on the beach and loved at each other (plus taffy)

- had a people and seagull watching session

- walked around the boardwalk

Life is really, really good.

Eeeep! Busy Bee is Me!

2009-05-01T14:52:00.000-07:00

Just dropping in to say that I'm still here!

I've been really busy helping Lori (of Nova Studio fame), by taking color sample pictures of a billion little soaps for the Color With Confidence presentation that she'll be giving at this year's Handcrafted Soapmakers Guild conference in Palm Springs. Yep. Said that all in one breath!

I'll be back. With pictures!

-Violet

Children.

2009-04-27T14:34:00.001-07:00

I recently stumbled upon a link while getting my daily fix of E. Falc. It lead me to a site made by a couple who are looking to adopt another child and it really touched my heart.

Megan, the woman who, along with her husband Shane and son Carter, is hoping to adopt, has a heart condition that "could cause pregnancy to be dangerous for her."

I don't think that I've shared it on here, but there is a decent chance that I won't be able to have babies. Some of the chemo drugs that I was given may have made me infertile. Scrambled up my eggs. I'm keeping hope in my heart and I haven't give up the thought that there are still a few perfect little eggs in me.

Please take a look at their site and please pass the word around about this lovely little family!

Speaking of children...

Everyone needs to drop what they're doing and check out the videos on YouTube about the PS22 Chorus in New York. Holy crap. These fifth graders are singing Cold Play, Regina Spektor and Bjork songs! I wish all music programs could be like this.

And, speaking of music... Nic and I are going to see Death Cab for Cutie tonight! Eeeep!

Hope you all had a great weekend. Goodies and pictures from mine to follow!

Polar Bear Swims.

2009-04-22T22:38:00.000-07:00

Today, I:

* Woke up 15 minutes before my alarm went off all refreshed and ready for the day.

* Went for a 9 a.m. Polar Bear Swim with Nic. We skimmed all of the bloaty bugs off the top and then took forty-five minutes to actually get all the way in the water. She did a crazy total of 46 (was it?) laps and I did a whopping 6. I'm pulling the "I-have-one-leg-and-am-incredibly-out-of-shape-plus-asthma" card. I'm a big girl, I can do what I want. ;]

* Got some college schedule stuff worked out. I'm hoping to take Sign Language and Literature and Composition this Summer. I want to (among other things) be an author... did you know that?

* Went to Old Navy in search of a two-piece bathing suit so I don't feel frumpy in my old lady stule one-piece. I found one! A white top (Nic said that I looked "Yachty") and a plaid-ish frilly bottom. And no, you cannot see. Give me a few more weeks worth of polar bear swims, okay? ;]

* Went "flashlight shopping" during said bathing suit trip. The power went out and they decided to keep the store open... but it was dark inside! It was really, really fun!

* Got a free Apple-Chai Infusion from Starbucks! The power was also out at this little House of Beverage, which meant that they couldn't take credit cards... I ended up with a free drink!

* Had a nice long chat with Lori, from The Nova Studio, about some volunteer work that I'll be doing. I'm SO excited! I can't even begin to tell you how thrilled I am. Eeep!

* Edited a few pictures.

* Went back to Old Navy to pick up the bathing suit pieces that Nic wanted... it was the the Bathing Suit Fairy, I swear!

* Headed back over to Miss Nic's house for a supposed evening swim, but discovered that the water was fricken' freezing. We vetoed and decided to eat corn and talk while the sun set. Hahaha... that's kind of romantic sounding! I love that lady SO much.

* Came home to see my gorgeous Husband rocking out and playing his PSP simultaneously. He just oddles my noodle. Plain and simple.

* Made almost-vegan Veggie Crumble burritos for dinner with kale, chard, soy cheese, organic tomatoes, bell peppers, a spice mix made from organic cumin (this is THE "taco" spice), ground hot pepper and a little sea salt, all wrapped in fluffy white tortillas (keepin' it real).

* Took the movie, Bratz, that nic and I rented, back to Hollywood Video. We actually know one of the guys who was in the movie and we both screamed like school girls when he had his little speaking part. Too good. We're proud of you, Mr. Rad!

* Spent the last few hours loafing on the internet. I have no shame.

In a few minutes, I will:

* Brush my fangs and wash my face.

* Snuggle into bed.

* Read a little bit of Neil Gaiman's, American Gods.

* Give my handsome Husband a kiss good night.

* Sleep.

Goodnight, Moon.

Please Remember.

2009-04-20T22:53:00.000-07:00

"Cracks make for character, and authentic character makes for soul."

- Rachel Ashwell.

Love yourself.

Faults, lumps, wiggles, pimples, wrinkles, tears and all.

Hot and Grumpy

2009-04-19T23:54:00.000-07:00

Today was hot. I was hot. I got sweaty and cried and made Dustin take my pants and shirt off (which, of course, he didn't mind doing at all) and had him turn a big fan on me. Yuck.

I also ate really poorly, which only further made me cranky and gave me funky heart palpitations. It was really neat, actually, because I only reaffirmed to myself that eating healthy and getting lots of water is a good thing for my body.

Tomorrow is a new day!

When You Give a Man a Camera...

2009-04-17T13:36:00.000-07:00

... he'll take pictures of his face.

Oh how I love that face. I loved even more that he told me he was impressed with how well I took pictures of my own face, with my arms being short and all. *rolls eyes* Men, right?

I did have fun editing this picture of him. His face is so much more exciting than mine! Big brows, piercing eyes!

I have been thinking of getting tattoos on/around the scars on my stomach (shown) and my back. I took my top off (score for him) and let him draw on me with a pen. The one on back (where my lung was taken out) didn't turn out very well, but this one on my stomach captured my heart a little. I think it would also look cute with a little girl, dress blowing in the wind, balloon in hand? Maybe I'll request that during our next drawing session.

Last summer, when I started creating this blog, I had switched my diet to a mostly vegan one. After I my sickness and surgery in August, I returned to the world of carnivorism, mainly because my stomach was so messed up and meat, for some reason was easier on me to digest. Backwards, I know.

Recently I have decided to go most back to being mostly Vegan. I'm not doing any meat (with the exception of an occasional piece of salmon), I don't eat any milk or milk products and very little eggs (only when they're in baked goods, which I don't eat to much of as it is). I will use organic honey, which is a vegan no-no, for facial masks (makes my skin SO soft!), but I don't really dig the taste.

I will be posting recipes, pictures and other food goodies as I venture deeper into this awesome lifestyle!

Dustin and I are looking for a small house to rent in Downtown Antioch. I'm so excited! We're ready to be on our own again -- have our own space, kitchen, ect. It's been a little hard trying to find a place that will let us bring our dogs, but as any of you that actually have dogs know, they're part of the family. If you don't want them, you don't want us!

Hope you all had a very nice Friday.

-xo-
Violet

Easter and the Eggs.

2009-04-16T23:19:00.000-07:00

Our Easter was nice and quiet. I had a cold (dang you, sporadic spring rain), so I laid low for most of the weekend. We had to make a trip out to my Grandma's house for an Easter Brunch, but other than that, I was a Couch Bunny.

The night before Easter, I doodled on some eggs and dipped 'em in the stinky cups of Paas dye.

The massive tub of crayons that my Mother In Law has collected. Pick a color, it's in there.

My "little" brother Joey (Joe, to his friends) and his kick ass shades. This kid looks good in any pair of sunglasses ever. It's amazing.

One of the pretty Dunch (Dinner-Lunch. Hahaha) tables at Grandma's. She has a wonderful little (huge, actually) house in a town called Hollister. It's in the South Bay, by Gilroy (garlic!) and about an hour from Santa Cruz.

Ahh! Hollister is in a pretty rural area and when were about to leave, I looked over and saw this thing on Dustin's shirt. I did a double take and it was this black, hairy spider with cobalt blue back legs. Ugggh! I have the shivers just typing this. He tried to flick it off and it jumped off of his shirt and landed on his pants. Eeep! My Daddy was a hero and flicked that creepy, furry beast to the ground. Now, I'm not normally a killer, but that thing had girth. I wanted nothing more than to roll it over with left wheel, but Dustin wouldn't let me. He's such a nice one.

My Daddy, or Peeto, as we call him. Don't know where it came from, but it sure has stuck!

My adorable little cousin Timothy. He ate the hell out of that strawberry cupcake, too.

Ah! Adorable!

This is my cousin's little girl, Amalia. CUTE. This little girl loved her bubbles. She spilled them all over the concrete and just had to smooch her hands in the mess. I stuck my little fingers out and joined her. Bliss!

Mustard tinted fields filled our ride home with color.

Oh Spring, I love you!

Happy Sunday.

2009-04-12T01:31:00.000-07:00

To all of those that celebrate Easter, may you have an awesome one.

To all of those that don't -- have a nice Sunday!

Pictures, handmade stamps and ceramic goodness to come!

<3

Did I Mention...

2009-04-02T01:50:00.000-07:00

...that Blogger is weird and makes the spacing in my posts look funky? YUCK.

Berkeley, Bubby and Little Crafties.

2009-04-01T23:56:00.000-07:00

On the 14th (yes, of last month!), Scarlett (who will be called Nic from here on out!) and I ventured out to Berkeley for a day of shopping and girly fun. We took BART, which we both enjoyed, and found our way to Telegraph Avenue.

We were on a mission to find boots and cute vintage goodies but ended up only finding the goodies. Nic had been looking for an awesome pair of flat, round toed leather boots... kind of Equestrian style ever since our trip to San Francisco. She still hasn't found them -they're hiding very well! Little buggers.

Anyways, we walked (well, she walked and I rolled. Team work!) up and down the street, visiting hot little shops. Our favorites included Buffalo Exchange (I scored a sweet cobalt and black shirt, plaid and ruffled. Oh my!), Mars Mercantile and our favorite, Sway. At Sway, I scored a beautiful grey dress and some sunglasses and Nic got a pair of jeans that fit her PERFECTLY. I mean... they fit her so well that the rest of the world should be weeping. It's amazing. The store actually reminded me of a mini Anthropologie, but everything was 1/3 of the price.

*A word on Anthropologie -- I love the store. Everything that they carry is unbelievably cute and fashion forward, yet vintage-y at the same time. BUT (yes, there's a 'but'), that store makes me feel SO poor! I don't think that I know anyone who would be able to plunk down $338 for an above the knee dress. Seriously folks! Who is able to buy a whole outfit there and not go into debt?!*

After a long day of shopping, Nic and I decided that we wanted some kebabs. We headed towards D'Yars, a little place with "fresh and natural Middle Eastern Cuisine." OH MY GOSH. It was delish! They also don't use MSG, which rocks because I'm allergic.

Nic's Beef Kebab plate. Her onions are so purple and pretty that I just want to steal 'em and keep 'em in a little box to look at.

I got a Chicken Kebab plate, complete with yellow (is there a name for this? Saffron? rice, homemade hummus, flat bread, cucumber dipping sauce and a Greek salad.

Of course, all of that eating made us... hungry. Ha! I had never had gelato before and it was declared that EVERYONE needs to try gelato at least once. Mmmm...

That concludes our Berkeley Trip.

----
Here are a few pictures that I took a day or two ago.

Dustin (Bubby) and I goofing around. This was the only picture that didn't have a tongue sticking out or a face scrunched up! I have to beg that guy for a serious picture... no good! He's such a pretty boy. *sigh*

I've been feeling a little bit more crafty lately and these two are the tiny things that I've made and happened to take a picture of.

This little guy's name is Whootie and he' just adorable. I got him at Michael's in a little dollar bin kit and I *really* need to iron him. I keep bumping the yellow plate and he just dissolves, little plastic beads everywhere. He's the cutest little fellow and I can't wait t have him all squish and solid at the same time! I think I smell and addiction to Perler beads coming on...

Lastly, I made this phone dangly-thing a few weeks back. I have this big collection of beading tools and supplies and decided that the little Winnie-the-Pooh plastic toy hanging from my phone was a little... you know.

I each of the little charms means something to me but their meaning is a secret and I won't tell! My favorite is the little glass bird bead that happens to actually be out of focus in this picture. I love birds. Be prepared to see many more.

I've been listening to a lot of Spencer Bell , The Kills and Cold War Kids. More on my the musical loves-of-my-life later. ;]

Hope you all have a great Thursday!

- Violet

New Post!

2009-03-31T17:20:00.000-07:00

Well, last night I was suprised with the new laptop that I wanted! Eeep! Buuutt.. now I have to learn Vista (someone hang me, please?).

Stay tuned for a bring-you-up-to-date post full of pictures and plans!

Lots of love,
Violet

Oh, Life and a Birthday!

2009-03-09T00:24:00.001-07:00

Hello!

I am feeling a little bit better. FINALLY! There is a vicious virus going around and I just happened to get it. Dustin and Scarlett, too. It was one of those ickies that makes you feel like you're under a wet blanket all day long. Steals your energy and give you with a heavy coating of (sorry) lung snot.

Anyways, it's so awesome to have a little bit if energy! Yea!

We (Dustin, Scarlett, our friend Jesse and I) went to the city yesterday (Saturday) in honor of Scarlett's 20th birthday. I forgot my camera and quite frankly, I don't think I would have had the energy to hold little June (that's my camera's name) up and snap pictures all around town. We all hopped on BART and made it to the hotel by 1:30-ish. (I'd used Priceline and got us a sweet 4-star hotel for $89. Yes, a $369 room for a little over $100 with taxes and fees. Oh, life!)

Once there, we waiting in a long-ass (pardon) line and rode a cable car up to Chinatown, where we walked around a bit (I was pushed, of course!) and then got duped into eating at a terrible Chinese Restaurant (free pot stickers, what a scandal!). After that, we found our way to the Stella Pastry Cafe and picked up Scar's Birthday Tiramisu. We hoofed it back the cable cars, got on the wrong one and walked all the way back to the hotel. EXHAUSTED!

We all had a great time and Scar and I can't wait to get another cheap hotel and have a Girl's only night! Life is so good.

Tomorrow, Scar and I are going shoe shopping and I'm in the process of buying an electric violin. That was kind of a non-sequitur, but I heard that the grammar police had the day off. ;]

Oh and I really want to see THIS movie... and THIS one, too. Big difference between the two, I know!

Happy Birthday to the best friend I've ever had. I love you!

I Love Puffs -- No Lotion.

2009-03-01T23:28:00.000-08:00

Wednesday was quite rainy and cold, which, of course, I loved.

I did not love the cold that caught me on the same afternoon.

I'm laying here on the couch, with My Kid Could Paint That (Did she? Didn't she? What a good movie.) on in the background and a brown paper lunch sack next to full of (pardon) snotty tissues.

Having a cold with one lung is tiring. I really *really* promise to slather this place with love once I can stand without getting dizzy!

Hope these tide you over a bit!

And, part 1 of 2 in the Fuzzy Dog-Child catagory:

*swoon*..... *cough, choke, snort*

Oh Nyquil, here I come.

Oh My!

2009-02-20T02:51:00.000-08:00

Scarlett and I are going to San Francisco this weekend for the Twilight Convention!

*insert fangirl squeal here*

I'll be back soon........ or will I?

Muhwahahaha.

Pretty/Happy

2009-02-12T22:21:00.000-08:00

Oh my! Valentine's Day is just two little days away and I'm so excited. Dustin is not usually very romantic in the gesture sense and Valentine's Day is one of the few days of the year where he has no excuse. I will not have any of the, "but I didn't know what to get yous," or "I was thinking about doing (insert romantic, kind, loving idea), but I didn't think you'd like its." He is required to get me something or or do something nice for me.

We have gone over this MANY times in the eight years that we've been together and I always tell him that I don't need anything fancy. I don't need diamonds or four dozen red roses. I don't need (or want) a $300 Coach bag or dinner at the fanciest restaurant in San Francisco. I just need a reminder. A hand drawn card. A single, scrappy flower from the garden of the lady next door. A surprise movie rental and a package of my favorite candy. It really is the little thoughts that counts with me.

He never disappoints and I'm so looking forward to see what he comes up with this time! *swoon*

I thought I'd leave you with some lovely eye candy.

Feast your eyes:

Pretty Valentines from Hello!Lucky.

Scary Teddy on my dresser.

I decided that a striped bow tie and construction paper garland were in order.

Our room looked so empty with out the Christmas tree, so I declared that form now on (until Dustin gets terribly sick of it) it shall be the Holiday tree. I hand made the pompoms and pinwheels. SO much fun. Recycled red glass balls help fill the tree in and a cute little sock monkeyette sits on top:

Super cute vintage Alice in Wonderland hair bands from VintageRemnants :

A beautiful Valentine's print from Daniel Cook.

The description reads: "Sometimes Cupid misses. There is only one obvious solution. Get really close for the next shot."

What better place to gaze at my snow white (a.k.a. pale) face than Anthropologie's Who's The Fairest Mirror. Does anyone have an extra $148 laying around? Goodness gracious... I could buy fourteen eyeshadows from M.A.C. for the price of this mirror!

I do that -- measure the cost of things in eyeshadows. It's a really good way to curb your spending... that is unless you're at the M.A.C. store and then all bets are off. ;]

A Sunday Student

2009-02-11T16:39:00.000-08:00

This past Sunday, my Mother and I packed up early and eagerly drove to the cute little town of Point Richmond to take our Image Transfer Intensive class.. We were super excited and listened to the Twilight Soundtrack (/nerd, I know) all the way to the Nova Studio. We were the first ones to arrive to the quaint little studio, so we made good use of our time and drilled our nice teacher, Angela, about all things transfer. That woman knows a LOT!

The outside of the Nova Studio.

Oh marigold exteriors, how I love thee!

The only picture I got of the inside. :(

I just love the row of little black bottles. I was too afraid to sniff around and see what was inside of them, but I'm sure each one smelled wonderful. The studio had the BEST aroma. I think someone had made a big batch of lemon verbena scented something or other the day prior, because the whole place emanated the lovely scent. Mmmmm.

For lunch,we ate at this awesome little pizza place called Extreme Pizza. For $9 I got a personal pizza with olives and artichoke hearts, a side salad and a huge drink. I ended up only eating three quarters of the little pizza, and a few sips of the sugary soda (offer soda water, people!). Super good, anyhow.

A tape transfer in progress.

The final product. Oh yes. That's MY man.

A tape transfer of Scarlett.

Transfers on fabric.

Transfers on tile. My teacher had a thing for Geishas...

Transfers on balsa wood.

And this was what I came home to. :] You can see Dustin's left toe right next to Widgey's face. You can't see Dustin's video game induced blood shot eyes. It's hard work, a) being a dog and b) playing Monster Hunter on your PSP all day with three of your friends. Man, I love my boys. Oh, how I swoon with a full heart.

Oh, How Fun!

2009-02-08T00:27:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow my Mom and I are going to take a class together!

It's called Image Transfer Intensive and we're going to learn how to transfer images to different surfaces. The class will be held at the Nova Studio in Port Richmond.

I'm so stoked!

A picture filled post to follow...

Pretty Pretties and Other Objects of Inspiration

2009-01-25T18:02:00.000-08:00

I've kind of been in an art slump. A three year long art slump, to be exact. Scarlett and I have been "arting" (as we call it) a bit, and since she's started school again, I'm kind of slumping again.

I'm here at Barnes and Noble (free Wi-Fi for at&t subscribers!) with Dustin to my left and Scarlett to my right and I've just been kind of farting around for the past three hours. Newest People magazine? Check! US weekly? Check! Health and organizing magazines? Check! So, I decided to do some Etsy.com searches for possible inspiration and this is what I've found.

I simply adore these Gocco printed "Owl Post" telegrams from Chiara at Celestefrittata.
I. Want. Some. Pink and Robin's Egg Blue, please!

Adorable hand painted Owl nesting dolls, from SavageArtworks. Mmmm..

Insanely cute felted animals from VioletPie.

Two of a Kind, by Emily Martin from Inside a Black Apple.

I don't think that there is a way to look at this piece and not be inspired. I wish the woman in the painting were real so I could stare into her crimson eyes and be frightened! *swoon*
Honestly, if you've never seen any of Emily's wok, have a look at her site. She also sells various beauties on her Esty store, The Black Apple.

Kimberly's new painting, Midnight. She has a set of cards for sale, here. I just can't take my eyes off of the bottom of the vase - it make the whole piece. *drool*

Be Still My Heart, For I Love Fog. <3

2009-01-22T19:57:00.000-08:00

Stale Gingerbread: A Card Tutorial.

2009-01-18T22:28:00.000-08:00

I was planning on making these cute cards to send out at Christmastime, but time escaped me (awesome movie watching and tea drinking won me over). I decided that since I had made 60 of the little felt Gingerbread houses, I should send them out to to at least a few people and spread some cuteness around the world. I sent them out as Thank You cards for all of the wonderful Christmas gifts Dustin and I (and the boys) received.

Here is a quick little tutorial for both the felt gingerbread houses and completed card. :]

[I drew that ^ by finger. Yes, I said finger... my laptop's touchpad/mouse! Tough stuff.]

The Card:

1. I carved this stamp using my Speedball stamp making kit. (I can do a stamp carving tutorial, if anyone is interested!)

2. Cut white computer paper to the size of your card. Use red ink and stamp your little brick path on the top and bottom of the white sheet. (I was making 15 cards, so this was purely a timesaving tactic.) Let ink dry.

3. Tear stamped sheet for a snowy effect. Glue in place. I used a glue stick, but I'm sure double stick tape or an adhesive runner would work just as well.

4. Glue felt Gingerbread house to card, positioning over top of pathway. I used Elmer's clear glue to secure the house to the card, after failing with both double stick tape (DST) and giant glue dots. Don't use too much glue, or it will soak through the felt and leave gross hard marks. :]

5. Next, I used a white ink pad and a cloud stamp that I carved to stamp clouds around the house. The darker the card, the better the cloud showed up, so keep that in mind when picking out your base card.

6. Use a white gel pen (I love my Uniball Singo) to draw around the clouds, exagerating some of the lines.

7. Use a corner rounder to round the two outer corners. Cute, cute, cute!

A herd of drying cards.

A Whipple Procedure Write Up!

2009-01-11T03:51:00.001-08:00

I recently posted a full write-up of what went down during my hospital stay when I had my Whipple Procedure/Surgery done. This isn't really the place where I want to relive that expeience, so I thought I'd just put a link to the post, in case anyone who has had, or will have, or knows someone who might have a Whipple done. Hard core stuff!

Here's the link.

Coming soon... a cute gingerbread card tutorial (better late than never!), Saturday night Scrap Diva crafting exposed and awesome Valentine's Day pom-poms!

Lots of love,
Little Miss Violet

She Does Matter.

2009-01-10T00:36:00.000-08:00

I've been a reader of Emily Faclonbridge's blog for at least a year or so. She's a neat "Earthy" lady, complete with dread locks, Australian accent and two darling girls who have fairy tea parties and adorable handmade dolls. She is just a cool chick and seems to have a heart full of love. There should be more people like her.

Anyways, a while back, Em posted something about a friend of hers, Kimberly, who was going through a terrible family crisis. Emily posted a link to her friend's blog, It Matters, and I've been a reader ever since. I honestly check Kimberly's blog daily and I've found that she's much stronger than she thinks. Even with a soul that's been injured and a terrible void where her husband once was, she still manages to keep going. She still holds her head up and cares for her two little boys and manages to paint beautiful pictures. She's amazing and I really admire her for her strength and perseverance. I wish I could help glue a little piece of her heart back together and hold her hand in person. I wish I could show her that things will eventually work out and that the jagged edges will become a little bit more smooth over time. *sniffle, sigh* I'm here for you, sister.

Life is beautiful and rotten and amazing and terrible all at the same time. You know?

Just another day, in my quiet life.

New Lens? Time for a Test!

2009-01-09T01:57:00.000-08:00

Dustin got me this lens for Christmas!

Was I really good enough for this -- I'm usually such a bad girl!

I'm in love! It's perhaps my new favorite possesion, if you don't count The Darjeeling Limited and Marie Antoinette DVDs that I also got for Christmas.

Wait a second.

While on the subject of said movies, I just have to stop and spread some beauty brought to you by two of my favorite directors, Wes Anderson and Sofia Coppola.

Oh colors!

Mustard. Robin's Egg Blue. Salmon. Celery. Burnt Rose.

Fuschia. Creamy, Dreamy Ivory.

Turquoise. Charcoal.

*Swoon*

Anywho, here are the test shots that I took with my lovely new lens.

Super fun. :]

Hello, 2009, How Are You Today?

2009-01-08T02:18:00.000-08:00

Wow. I'm a lazy lady.
Does it count that I THOUGHT about blogging, even if I didn't actually do it?

*crickets*

Ok.

Want to know the real reasons that I've been absent for so long?

My Best Friend

The Love of My Life.

Sushi.

Good Books.

Good Movies.

[Tomorrow, Scarlett and I are seeing this... again. If you see a movie in the theather 5 times, does that qualify you as a Fangirl?]

He gets two pictures.

What My Sister Does When She's Bored.

2008-12-18T12:52:00.001-08:00

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Away...

2008-12-05T23:39:00.000-08:00

We're heading to Disneyland in the Morning!

See you on Thursday!

Card Making Goodies and Size 9s.

2008-11-29T18:25:00.000-08:00

Oh yes. I fit into one pair of size 8 and one pair of size 10 jeans today. That is an average size of 9. OH YES.

I know it's vain, but what the heck. I've been Happy dancing since we left Target four hours ago!

I also got a set of these cute little pink plastic containers to decant my bath goodies into for our trip. I feel bad about buying plastic things, but I don't think they'd let me bring little glass bottles onto the plane. :/

I went to Michaels and picked up the goodies to make our Christmas cards. I can't wait to share! They're going to have little felt gingerbread houses with sparkly glitter snow, and I'm going to carve a brick pathway stamp. I LOVE stamp carving!

More to follow...

Gravy is No-Go

2008-11-28T15:19:00.001-08:00

Happy (late) Thanksgiving to all! Dustin and I spent ours at his Mom's house and we had a blast! His aunt and uncle, from San Diego, drove up and stayed Wednesday night (after sitting through 12 hours of traffic!) and all of Thanksgiving. I love seeing D's Mom interact with her sisters -- it's like they're little kids again, but with more wine. Awesome!

So, I found out yesterday that gravy is not my friend. Gravy tastes good and looks good but my stomach can't handle the fat (?) and refuses to process it. Do not pass Go or collect $200. I guess it's better that I found this out at home rather than at a restaurant or while on vacation. Wow, that's kind of twisted -- I was thankful for barfing on Thanksgiving. Teehee. Only me, right?

---

I'm super excited. Next weekend, Dustin and I are going to Disneyland! I have a rule that when ever I get a body part taken out, I get a Disneyland trip. I just flash my puppy-dog eyes and he can't bring himself to say no.

If there's one thing that you need to know about me, it's that I'm a Disneyland nerd. It's my happy home away from home. I guess there's something about the innocence and wonder that fills the place that makes me feel whole. It makes me feel like a kid again -- that feeling of "everything is all right" and fairies are real and magic DOES exist. Plus, it's the only place that I know of where you can an wear an idiotic hat and no one notices. AND they have churros... wait. Can I still eat churros? I guess we'll see (note to self, pack a Ziploc just in case).

Some snaps from our past trips:

Me and my adorable sister in the Court of Angels, 2006.

My Dad, sister, Mom and Me, 2006.

And yes, my dad is drinking a soda ... on a roller coaster.

It's a Small World, all Christmas-ed up, 2006

Dustin is such a beefy hunk, 2007.

A scene from the super-awesome Aladin show, 2008

Me and Bubby (Dustin), 2008.

---

Ohh! It's time to start decorating for Christmas! I've changed #6 in the car to the station that plays non-stop Christmas music. I bought a new tea mug, which I just adore, yesterday. It's a good sized mug, with a cute Santa face on it, plus it has this really cool ceramic Santa hat top to keep my tea warm. Hot tea all season long! Best part? It was a dollar. Oh yeah.

I'm on the lookout for a 3 foot-ish, white, pre-lit tree for our room. I'm a really bad tree water-er so I figured that this year, being that we're living with D's parents, a smaller fake tree sounds like the best plan. There is no chance that I can kill a plastic tree! Plus, I've been wanting to try out the whole "white tree with periwinkle and red decorations," thing for a few years. No year like this year, right?

Speaking of Christmas, I've seen an awful lot of those "Buy Handmade" links on many a blog. Are any of you planning on doing that? I'd love to do something like that, but I'm one of those girls who sees something neat on a blog or in an etsy.com store and thinks, "I can make that!" and then never does. :/ It's a sad cycle. I'd love to make things for everyone and you'd think that since I, (a) don't have a job, (b) am home all day long and (c) have a husband who doesn't mind if I buy art supplies, I'd actually CREATE things.

Something is holding me back and I don't know what it is. I've been like this since I had my lung out in '05 and I just can't seem to shake it. I used to tell myself that it was because my heart was broken and my soul was bruised from the sadness that the cancer brought, but I don't know. It makes sense, right? You think that I'd get with it and spend the time that I do have (right now!) doing the things that I want. I spend my days looking at inspiring blogs and researching the type of cancer that seems to like me and at the end of the day, I've made nothing. Could it be that I'm just a broken girl? Can time mend my broken-ness? Do I have the time? Will I be here one year from today? Will you?

What do I really want to do? I want to create organic, green, healthy bath and body products. I want to whip soap and melt hunks of beeswax for lip balms. I want to take classes at the Nova Studio. I want to sew and make things that are beautiful and share them with others and let beauty rule the earth. I want people to be happy with what they have. I want people, especially those around me, to take care of their bodies and not do things that they know are dangerous. I want to learn to not resent the people around me who have healthy bodies and continue to do destructive things to them. I want to make a big poster reminding people to love at their loved ones and I want to post it on every street corner. I want a baby. I actually want five, but I'd be complete with one healthy baby and the time to enjoy him or her. I want to have a conversation with God and ask him to please let me live for a good long time. I want to not worry about having another baddie every time I have an ache or a pain. I want my body to be strong and my soul even stronger. I want to see Dustin grow old. I want my damn wrinkles and stringy grey hair!

I guess all I can do is have hope. Faith, courage and hope... And a piece of pumpkin pie. ;)

November Dinners, Blogging and Bald Chicks.

2008-11-17T18:06:00.000-08:00

Saturday was my family's (on my Mom's side) Annual November Birthday Dinner at Cattlemens in Dixon. Being that I only eat birds (that sounds sick!) and Dustin is a Pescaratian, the pickings were slim (teriyaki chicken and Dijon salmon, respectively). It was great to see my Aunts and Uncles and especially my Grandpa. <3>

Having a "new" stomach makes dining out interesting because I can't really eat anything fried. I'm mostly a fruit, veggie, meat, and dairy kind of girl now. And the amount of food that I eat is way less than it used to be. It's kind of sick that this is how I ended up losing that bit of weight that I always wanted to. It's funny because before this summer happened, I used to have talks with God about how I wanted "fix" my eating habits and slim down a bit and I guess he was listening. Some times I think that God is the biggest smart-ass. Is that Kosher? I just said 'God' and 'ass' in the same sentence. Crap, I did it twice! I've come to realize that every shitty situation has a bright side -- even if it's only as bright as one of those dollar store pen lights.

So, yes. The dinner was fun and I ate what I could (Mmmm... salad and chicken and fresh sourdough), plus a scoop of ice cream for dessert. Well, I had half of the scoop and then dumped the rest on Dustin's massive Brownie and Ice cream tower. He loves me, I swear!

---

I've been a Blog reader for about two years, following mostly Elsie Flannigan, her friend Rachel Denbow, the SUPER awesome Emily Falconbridge and recently some of my dear High School friends (Rachel Dunston!).

I've wanted to start my own blog for just about as long, but I'm a chicken. I'm one of those "go-big or go-home" kind of girls and I wanted my blog to be awesome. The best. I wanted to whole world to read it and fall instantly in love with me. I'm not stupid though and I know that I'm never going to be the best or have the most and things will never be perfect.

Having cancer makes you realize a lot about "life" and having cancer four times makes you realize even more. Sometimes I actually feel lucky for having had it, because I've felt things and I've come to conclusions that I probably wouldn't have if I'd have had a "normal" life. I've become so thankful (how... on time!) for everything. Each time I eat something and feel my body digest it, I'm amazed! Every time I take a shower, a real shower, I'm filled with joy and appreciation (after two months of not being able to take anything more than a sponge bath)! Just living is an amazing thing. The Human body, with all of its gadgets and systems, is unreal. All of the parts and nodes and veins and bones that work together every second of everyday just so that we can function. It really just blows my mind. Whew!

I like to take this moment and let the world know that I'm thankful for having hair. I've lost it twice in my life and I remember how badly I just wanted my eyelashes to grow back. Nothing gives a chemo patient away like missing eyelashes and brows. Nothing worse than having someone stare at you because you've just smeared your right brown across your forehead. Anywho, for all of you hot-ass chemo patients, here is my Public Service announcement for today:

*wink*

continued...

2008-11-16T00:30:00.001-08:00

So, after my Doctor telling me that we’d, “Just watch the spot and see if grows,” and me saying “Hell no, I’m not going to wait. I need a PLAN,” it was decided that I would have CyberKnife “surgery”. What is a CyberKnife? It’s freaking awesome, that’s what it is! It’s a type of precise radiation that gives one specified point (the bad stuff), a large amount of radiation, but breaks up the entry points – meaning that the cancer gets nuked, but the tissue around it only gets a small dose.

My procedure was scheduled for the week of July 14th at UCSF. It consisted of five treatments, each lasting for about an hour. I was told that it would be painless, easy and supposedly with out side effects. Dustin took that week off of work and we decided to make the most of it.

The machine the radiation source is mounted on is actually a, “precisely controlled industrial robot.” Think any kind of Sci-fi movie with robot arms on an assembly line… and then think about lying down and letting it move all around you. It was AMAZING and frightening at the same time.

On my third day of treatment, I noticed that I had a sharp pain right under my ribs, kind of like what it feels like when you drink a huge glass of water and then run -- that dull, achy kind of pull that increases with deep breaths. (Any self respecting person who was once a kool-aid drinking, Nick-in-the-Afternoon watching, summer vacation loving, tag-a-thon starting kid, knows that feeling.) I shrugged it off, as the Doctor who was over seeing the procedures said that it was normal to be a bit sore and tired. I finished my treatment and began what I thought was the beginning of the rest of my life.

I had started, in June actually, eating very much like Kris Carr – mostly vegan, with an emphasis on raw, whole, organic foods. I followed a diet called the Budwig Diet, which used a mixture of flaxseed oil and cottage cheese (it was edible – I made fruity smoothies!). There is a whole big science to the mixture that’s actually quite interesting.

At Cha-Ya, a vegetarian sushi house in Berkeley

Vegan chocolate cake!

I was feeling good, until about three days before Dustin’s Birthday (the 24th of July). I was tired. I would wake up tired. I would walk around and almost feel like I was going to pass out.

Now, let me tell you… I hate hospitals. I HATE “going in.” Dustin had to bribe me to go see my doctor that day. My super awesome general practitioner, Dr. Sym., was worried about my fatigue, but he thought that my ongoing stomach pain was the result of an ulcer. He sent me to get my blood drawn and then we went home. Two hours later, Dr. Sym. called and urged me to go to the E.R… my blood counts were dangerously low -- I was bleeding from the inside.

Now, like I just told you, I hate the hospital. I HATE-HATE going to the E.R. *frustrated sigh here* I went in (reluctantly) and I’ll tell you this, that night was one I’ll remember for the rest of my life. It was honestly the worst night of my life. There was no peace -- That’s that best way to describe it. The E.R. was crowded, dark and buzzing with fear... fear so thick you could smell it. To keep it short, my night was filled with nausea, a moaning, senile woman next to me, bad soup, the phrase, “It’s just dry heave,” from said woman (over and over again), bad drugs, good drugs, a stiff nurse, I.V.s, a tired, worried husband, not getting into a hospital room until 7a.m. and all of this while I was bleeding internally and feeling like death. Ugh. The next week included an Endoscope test, nothing by mouth, spending time with my poor, frazzled Mom and the news that I had a huge tumor right outside of my stomach, which not only preventing food from passing, but it was also bleeding… and it was cancer.

How many times can a girl get cancer? Seriously? Wait, I take that back. I don’t want to know!

To make yet another long story more petite, I went home to Dustin’s parent’s house where I tried to eat and keep it down, deal with the pain that now needed narcotic pain killers and prepare for what might be my end. How do you do that? How do you, at 24, prepare yourself for leaving this world and all that you love? Sleep. Tears. Hand holding and preparing a will on Microsoft Word. I still have that file, tucked away in a folder on my desktop. My in-Laws were wonderful and helped in any and every way possible to keep me happy, comfortable and functioning. My Mom took time off of work to come loaf on the couch with me. My sister let me kick her ass at Battle Ship over and over again.

I was admitted into the Hospital, after two weeks of being stubborn and fighting as hard as I could to live with the lump growing in my belly. I remember my sense of smell was insane and I couldn't handle the smell of anything not from nature. All visitors were told that they stunk. What a pill I was! I also recall seeing my sister cry in my hospital room, a memory that makes me cry, to this day.

We were told that on top of the lump growing in my belly, I may have multiple spots growing on my liver. What does that mean? That means, that if there really were tumors growing on my liver, they’d try to “make me comfortable.” We all know what that means.

As luck would have it, after a five hour surgery, I DIDN’T have anything on my liver or in any of the lymph nodes in the surrounding area! I had a Whipple procedure, which basically means that they took 1/3 of my stomach, 1/3 of my pancreas and my entire duodenum out and then pieced it all back together again. Mind blowing!

That was August 18th. I spend a week and a half in the hospital and then came I went home to my Mother’s house, where she cared for me for the next two weeks. It’s sad and lovely at the same time that such a crappy situation can bring two people closer together. My Mom took on walks around the neighborhood, attempted to cook me what sounded good (I love you for trying, Mom!) and held my barf buckets. Having a stomach that was starved for two weeks and then cut apart and pasted back together made eating or drinking anything a real job.

When I first got home, I could only consume ½ a Dixie cup full of anything. Then a full Dixie, followed by a tiny bowl. Now, as of November 16th, I eat almost like a normal person. I can’t eat anything fried and I don’t eat mammals, but other than that, I pretty much eat what I want and know that I can tolerate.

Oh! Did I tell you that I had my leg amputated? *checks previous post* Yep. Well, normally I wear a prosthetic leg, but since the tummy incident, I’ve lost a little weight and now it doesn’t fit. It's really sad, actually. My sad little fake leg is sitting in the closet with the shoe and pants that I wore the day I took it off. Poor dear in the corner.

That’s me. I’m just a girl in a wheelchair with one leg, one lung and half a tummy… but I'm also a girl with a lot of heart! That's got to count for something, right?

Sometimes summer sucks.

2008-09-08T16:04:00.000-07:00

This is my first post. I've been working on it for weeks and I wanted to finish it before I posted, but what the hell... there's no day like TODAY, right? This is who I am. What I'm struggling with and what I hope happens.

This is the Quiet Life of Violet.

---------

I remember that day, in the end of May, when my world changed... again. I had just gotten out of my car and to my surprise, Dustin had just pulled up in his Coffee Man truck.

"Odd," I thought, but I was excited none the less. I headed towards his truck and the second I saw his face, I knew something was wrong. Even though I knew bad news was coming, I was so peaceful. (Even to this day, I still go back to that moment... the last truly peaceful moment of the summer... Maybe even ever.) "They found something," Dustin said. I didn't understand what he meant, and truthfully, I was expecting him to tell me that someone had died. "Your Mom's been trying to call you. Dr B. called and they found something on your scan." FUCK. (Pardon my "F" word.)

---
I've had cancer twice before in my life. I was 11 years old when my parents told me, in our red, VW bus, that I had cancer. I had no idea what it meant, but my Dad was crying, so I knew it was bad. I had chemo at the Oakland Kaiser and had a limb salvage (where they replace the diseased bone with a metal rod) and later, because the limb salvage didn’t work, an amputation at UCSF. It was rough, but I didn't know any different. I just wanted to do what made my parents happy. When you're that young, you don't understand real death or sickness unless you've watched someone close to you go through the same thing. When you're little, you (or at least, I) think that the doctors can fix anything. You think that your parents know all the answers and that school was something that was invented to occupy your days until the weekend. Ahh, ignorant bliss!

I remember thinking, during all those trips to Oakland, that I couldn't wait to be done with all of that chemo junk so my hair could grow back. I just wanted to have that flippy hair cut that Jennifer Anniston sported for her role in Friends. I wanted to wear mini skirts like Cher, the character from Clueless, wore. I wanted to be hip.

The second time I had cancer was in 2005. Dustin and I were married in October of 2004 and after that, we packed up all of our junk and moved to Spokane, Washington to "start" our lives.
That summer (notice a pattern?), after a 4th of July camping trip, I went to the doctors to check out a cough that wouldn't go away. It was an odd experience actually. The doctor’s office didn't have any appointments so I decided to go to the non-emergency Urgent Care. I waited just about four hours -- the waiting room was small and most of the people around me looked like... well, terrible. I tried not to touch anything. (Ha! What a prune!) I remember there was this teenager who looked like she felt like craaap. She was wrapped up in a powder blue comforter and was sweating like a linebacker. I remember thinking, "Damn. She needs to be seen worse than I do. I'm not really that sick, I should head home."

I actually almost went home two or three times that day, but it just so happened that I had brought a copy of Roald Dahl's Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and had enough time to kill it before being called in.

The room was old, but sufficient. My Doctor, whose name I can't remember for the life of me, was also old and looked like a man very set in his ways. He read my history and commented how brave I must have been. (When in all actuality, I was just doing what my parents told me. I had no idea, at 11 years old, what it all meant. What cancer meant. ) Then I said something that will stay with me until the day I take my very last breath. I said,

"God wouldn't give me anything that I couldn't handle."

He stopped, then looked at me as if he were looking into my soul. He lingered long enough to make me uncomfortable. After that, he proceeded to examine me and then sent me for an x-ray, just in case.

Have you ever had things move in slow motion, kind of like a segment in a movie where a song plays and a few things happen that don't need any words? That's how I remember the rest of that day. I had my x-ray. I returned to the waiting room. I waited. And waited. And waited long enough to read an entire Reader's Digest. This day was a turning point in my adult life, but I, the unknowing main character, didn't understand it at the time. "There is something wrong. There's a mass in your right lung."

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To make a long, depressing, puke filled (gross!) story short, Dustin and I ended up moving back to California. I had my right lung removed (the whole, damn thing!) at Stanford, followed by seven rounds of hi-dose chemo at Lucille Packard -- the Children's hospital part of Stanford.
I pushed through. I was poked, puked out and pilled. I would stay in the kid's ward for six days -- five of those I got chemo -- sleep during the two hours to my Mom's house, S-L-O-W-L-Y feel less like I was hit by a car (honest), go back in the hospital the next weekend because the chemo had done it's job and killed all of the fast growing cells (including most of my white and red blood cells), get heavy antibiotics (yuck), go home feeling good, fart around and have a semi-normal life for a week and a half and then do it over again. I did it seven times. I had my lung taken out in August and I finished the chemo in April. August to April.

I remember the drive to and from Stanford (it was two hours, each way, from my Mom's house). Dustin and I had, almost a year prior, gotten married in a little town called Sunol and I was completely in love with it. Well, we discovered that you could get to Stanford, from our house, by taking the Niles Canyon highway. It was beautiful and wooded and windy and ran right next to a little creek. The air was crisp and the leaves would change colors and ivy would grow up the crumbling walls all along the drive. It was my heaven... until I came to hate that creek and those leaves and the crumbling everything. Seeing that beauty meant that I was voluntarily checking myself into a place that made me feel like I was being poisoned. It meant that I wasn't like almost everyone else my age, finishing college or having babies or working. It meant that I had cancer. It meant that my body was tainted and the only way I could, supposedly, get better was to submit myself and allow a nurse to poke me and fill me with foreign, toxic substances. It meant that I was bald. That my eyelashes were gone. That I could tell you what ever it was that you had just eaten because I could smell it on your breath the second you walked into my room (then it'd make me puke). I hated that highway.

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This brings us to where I started this long, rambling sort of medical history. :)
I was directed to check in with my oncologist every three months and get a CT scan , which I was diligent about. I used to get so scared right before my exams... I'd go to sleep crying or burst out in fear-induced tears just randomly throughout the day. Each time, the tests came back negative and I would be less scared, until finally I stopped. No more crying, no more fear. I think I might have even gotten a little cocky. "I kicked cancer's ass! Yeah!"

That day, that warm, hazy May day, was the day that I learned that cancer isn't something that you can really ass-kick. Cancer lets you live or sometimes it comes back. Sometimes, the medicine that Western Doctors have to offer really can make you better. Sometimes it can't.

The spot that they found was about the size of a pea. It was in my lung (the only one!) in a spot that was "inconvenient," my doctor claimed.

"If it was here, or here or even here, that would be better. We could do surgery on any of those parts."

Gee. What nice thing to hear from your doctor after he tells you that you have a pea in your lung!

To be continued....