Gravy is No-Go

Happy (late) Thanksgiving to all! Dustin and I spent ours at his Mom's house and we had a blast! His aunt and uncle, from San Diego, drove up and stayed Wednesday night (after sitting through 12 hours of traffic!) and all of Thanksgiving. I love seeing D's Mom interact with her sisters -- it's like they're little kids again, but with more wine. Awesome!

So, I found out yesterday that gravy is not my friend. Gravy tastes good and looks good but my stomach can't handle the fat (?) and refuses to process it. Do not pass Go or collect $200. I guess it's better that I found this out at home rather than at a restaurant or while on vacation. Wow, that's kind of twisted -- I was thankful for barfing on Thanksgiving. Teehee. Only me, right?

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I'm super excited. Next weekend, Dustin and I are going to Disneyland! I have a rule that when ever I get a body part taken out, I get a Disneyland trip. I just flash my puppy-dog eyes and he can't bring himself to say no.

If there's one thing that you need to know about me, it's that I'm a Disneyland nerd. It's my happy home away from home. I guess there's something about the innocence and wonder that fills the place that makes me feel whole. It makes me feel like a kid again -- that feeling of "everything is all right" and fairies are real and magic DOES exist. Plus, it's the only place that I know of where you can an wear an idiotic hat and no one notices. AND they have churros... wait. Can I still eat churros? I guess we'll see (note to self, pack a Ziploc just in case).

Some snaps from our past trips:

Me and my adorable sister in the Court of Angels, 2006.

My Dad, sister, Mom and Me, 2006.

And yes, my dad is drinking a soda ... on a roller coaster.

It's a Small World, all Christmas-ed up, 2006

Dustin is such a beefy hunk, 2007.

A scene from the super-awesome Aladin show, 2008

Me and Bubby (Dustin), 2008.

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Ohh! It's time to start decorating for Christmas! I've changed #6 in the car to the station that plays non-stop Christmas music. I bought a new tea mug, which I just adore, yesterday. It's a good sized mug, with a cute Santa face on it, plus it has this really cool ceramic Santa hat top to keep my tea warm. Hot tea all season long! Best part? It was a dollar. Oh yeah.

I'm on the lookout for a 3 foot-ish, white, pre-lit tree for our room. I'm a really bad tree water-er so I figured that this year, being that we're living with D's parents, a smaller fake tree sounds like the best plan. There is no chance that I can kill a plastic tree! Plus, I've been wanting to try out the whole "white tree with periwinkle and red decorations," thing for a few years. No year like this year, right?

Speaking of Christmas, I've seen an awful lot of those "Buy Handmade" links on many a blog. Are any of you planning on doing that? I'd love to do something like that, but I'm one of those girls who sees something neat on a blog or in an etsy.com store and thinks, "I can make that!" and then never does. :/ It's a sad cycle. I'd love to make things for everyone and you'd think that since I, (a) don't have a job, (b) am home all day long and (c) have a husband who doesn't mind if I buy art supplies, I'd actually CREATE things.

Something is holding me back and I don't know what it is. I've been like this since I had my lung out in '05 and I just can't seem to shake it. I used to tell myself that it was because my heart was broken and my soul was bruised from the sadness that the cancer brought, but I don't know. It makes sense, right? You think that I'd get with it and spend the time that I do have (right now!) doing the things that I want. I spend my days looking at inspiring blogs and researching the type of cancer that seems to like me and at the end of the day, I've made nothing. Could it be that I'm just a broken girl? Can time mend my broken-ness? Do I have the time? Will I be here one year from today? Will you?

What do I really want to do? I want to create organic, green, healthy bath and body products. I want to whip soap and melt hunks of beeswax for lip balms. I want to take classes at the Nova Studio. I want to sew and make things that are beautiful and share them with others and let beauty rule the earth. I want people to be happy with what they have. I want people, especially those around me, to take care of their bodies and not do things that they know are dangerous. I want to learn to not resent the people around me who have healthy bodies and continue to do destructive things to them. I want to make a big poster reminding people to love at their loved ones and I want to post it on every street corner. I want a baby. I actually want five, but I'd be complete with one healthy baby and the time to enjoy him or her. I want to have a conversation with God and ask him to please let me live for a good long time. I want to not worry about having another baddie every time I have an ache or a pain. I want my body to be strong and my soul even stronger. I want to see Dustin grow old. I want my damn wrinkles and stringy grey hair!

I guess all I can do is have hope. Faith, courage and hope... And a piece of pumpkin pie. ;)